Diary of an Unemployed Elitist
Published April 2009
December 17, 2006
Graduated with degree in philosophy. Moving home with parents. No job prospects.
January 5, 2007
Living at home with parents. Mom made meatloaf for dinner. I disapprove. Mom informs me I can cook. I relent. Refuse to put ketchup on my meatloaf and feel small vindication.
January 7, 2007
Put my resume on monster and career builder. Got 14 emails from AFLAC. I will kill myself before I cold call. Sales is for the plebes.
January 15, 2007
Unemployment provides certain advantages. Great freedom. Today I woke up at 4pm and ate some cereal. After I wake up I sign on to the internet and hope that something entertaining happens. This is rare.
February 3, 2007
Dad came home early from work and saw me smoking in the backyard. Parents don’t approve. Not smoking is so American.
February 7, 2007
Mom suggested I volunteer if I can’t find a job. After some consideration I conclude that I despise the sick and needy.
February 14, 2007
Did my taxes. AGI of -847 dollars. Applied for job with NY Times. Drank myself to sleep.
February 22, 2007
Thinking about joining a burgeoning revolution in Venezuela. Remembered that I despise bugs, the jungle, and being sticky.
March 1, 2007
Phi Beta Kappa sent me a bumper sticker with the letters ‘PBK’. It’s Greek for ‘I’m smarter than you.’ I put it on the bumper of my minivan. Worried that the plebes won’t know what it means.
March 3, 2007
Took a job as a substitute teacher. The kids write fake notes to get out of class. The ones that stay cheat on their work. Too busy reading Beckett to care.
March 10, 2007
Involuntary celibacy is taking its toll. NY Times rejected me. Hacks. Applied for government job.
April 16, 2007
Got a job with the government. Job search is over.
May 2, 2007
First day of work. Woke up at 7am full of self-loathing. Spent three hours learning about 401k and benefits. Contemplating suicide.
September 7, 2007
Showed up late for work. Tried to sneak past boss but was caught. Made me take vacation time. Still awaiting my first assignment. Spent seven hours reading craigs list ‘Best of’. Drank three beers when I got home and went to bed. Contemplating suicide.
November 1, 2007
Received first work assignment. Involves filing. Tonight’s the night. Goodbye world.
How to Make it as an Independent Improv Troupe in Baltimore
December 2008
I was having a conversation with a student on Tuesday night after class. He asked me what’s the best way to continue on doing improv in Baltimore after you’ve taken all the classes. This list could probably be applied in a similar way to other cities, but I’m making it about Baltimore because that’s what I know.
This was my advice:
- Get together with a group of people from your classes that you enjoy working with.
- Find a place to rehearse in someone’s basement/living room/classroom/office/church/wherever.
- Hire a coach for your group. There are performers and directors in Baltimore (BIG, Mimehunters) that are available for this, as well as other community members. You could even look to DC (WIT, DCUP) or Frederick (Comedy Pigs). Tell the coach what you’re looking to do–long form or short form, what kind of format, what your goals are, etc. Be honest about your goals–do you want to do casual shows for friends or do you want to be performing at the national festivals? If you don’t know what you want, the coach can help you. Watch other improv shows to see what kinds of formats and styles you want to perform.
- Practice for a few months and really work at improving. Read books by Mick Napier
and Keith Johnstone
. Read up on YesAnd.com. Go to festivals and take workshops. Practice characters in your car. Take a trip to NY to see shows at the UCB, the PIT, or the Magnet to expand your ideas about what is possible with the medium.
- After you’ve made some progress and gelled as a group, try to get a show together for an audience. Some places to start: parties hosted by group members or local events. Contact bars to see if you can have a show on a weeknight and invite your friends. If your coach is performing somewhere, see if you can get a gig opening up for his or her group. Don’t worry about getting paid yet–the main goals are to get live stage experience and an audition tape.
- Have someone videotape a show so you can submit to the Baltimore Improv Festival. Create a website with performer bios, a little history, and an embedded video.
- Split into groups of three and enter WIT’s FIST tournament in the spring to get more stage time, do some networking, and build your festival resume.
- Apply to the Baltimore festival and (hopefully) get in. Local groups are strongly favored so you should have an excellent shot if you followed all the steps above. Do the show and get the video.
- By now you’ve performed in Baltimore, DC, and you’ve been in a highly respected festival. Now you can submit to other nearby festivals like Philly, Providence, Del Close, Richmond, and Dirty South. Getting into just one of those will make getting into the others much easier.
- Keep looking for places to do shows in Baltimore. Call theaters and ask them when they have dark nights and what the rental rates are. Rent the theater on a weekend night and invite other local groups to join you. Give yourself enough time in advance to market the show.
Pump it on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, your blogs, and invite all your friends and family. Make sure the other groups are promoting it as well. Get the event listed in the CityPaper, CraigsList, Metromix, etc. Get in the Fun Guide. Set up an account with Brown Paper Tickets and charge between $5 and $10. Getting people in the door (for free if you have to) is more important than making money.
Does this take some work, some planning, and some time? Yes, absolutely. You’ll have to be passionate about what you’re doing and you’ll have to be entrepreneurial.
Note: by independent, I mean unaffiliated with BIG. That’s not a knock on anyone because there are groups in Baltimore that are very talented. Independent just means unaffiliated with a larger organization that has a corporate structure, board, staff, etc.